Bid Day.
Unless you lived under a rock in college you know what Bid Day is... for those who did live under a rock here's an explanation:
Bid day is when fraternities and sororities formally extend new members an offer (a bid) to join their organization. It sounds like a formal process, but like most formal processes in college, it is followed by a day long shit show of keg stands, ice luges, and the inevitable walk of shame the next morning. If there was ever a need for two parties in one day, it would be bid day.
Enter Pi Kappa Phi.
It was high noon. You'd think that noon would be too early in the day to start drinking... yeah, you'd be wrong. Kegs, full liquor bar, jello shots, and an ice luge. What's an ice luge you ask? Oh... just a huge chunk of ice that you put your face on while someone pours liquor on it and it dribbles down into your mouth... essentially the least sanitary thing you could do besides directly making out with every person at the party (...but the liquor kills the germs right?? of course!! (please see our soon to be released: "College Lies and Other Shit Guys Say to Get You Drunk.")).
Admittedly I had been hooking up with one of the fraternity brothers on the reg. We will call him Luke... I would later go on to date this brother's best friend for two years, but that's another story for another day. (I can feel you judging my sluttiness as you read). ANYWAYS... I was there to see him, did a couple luges... jello shots... a liquor drink so strong that it could peel paint off the walls. Within 30 minutes of walking into this event I was ready to get back to his apartment. Strong alcoholic drinks + college girl= Every frat guys dream…but apparently, I would have to wait another 11 hours before making a formal exit and heading back to his place.
Let's fast forward to party #2: TOGA TOGA TOGA (which brings to mind every cliché and stereotype you can think of about fraternities) It’s 10pm and I’m in the sexiest toga I could create in a trip to Wal-Mart. Suitors beware, I had about 150 safety pins holding this shit together... any wrong move and you were going to wind up an acupuncture patient. But damn did I look good, so it didn’t matter. Do you know how difficult it is to secure something like that AFTER you've been drinking for 10 hours? I deserved a fucking medal. So I roll up to the Pi Kapp house with my bestie Sarah... girls never go to these things alone. Buddy system is a MUST(you’ve seen the Lifetime movie).
I walk in... scan the crowd…WTF??? Where is Luke? I’m obviously only here to see him and I’m not quite slutty enough to just pick up another brother for the night. Side Note: Little known fact is that fraternity brothers compare notes at weekly chapter meetings. You do NOT want to be the girl whose name comes up twice in a meeting. It either lends itself to a fist fight or brotherly bonding (usually the latter), neither of which is good for you. So Luke's not here... What to do...What. To. Do? Survey says! Drink until you dance like a damn fool on the coffee table? Sure! OKAY.
Enter Luke.
Oh heyyy Luke. Mmmmm…my slurs sound so sexy when I am throwing myself at someone while half dressed in a frat house. Let me stick my tongue in your mouth while everyone in the party watches (Yep…I really was That Girl that you’ve seen before). There are few times that someone at a frat party actually says "Get a room" and this was one of them. I don't need to be told twice.
"Luke, let's go back to your house."
Frat guys also don't need to be told twice when there is the possibility of a hook up in their future. If I only knew what was coming (or what [read: who] wouldn’t be coming..you catch my drift?) and how much of a mistake it would be for me to leave this party.
We get to Luke's apartment... he takes my toga off without injury, a true miracle, and we are hard core making out in his bed. So, I know I talk a slutty game... but there are few times I have been naked in man's bed who wasn't my boyfriend (Side Note: I'm afraid future blog posts will prove this to be a false statement... FUCK). So I am totally into it... Luke’s a good looking guy, great kisser... This is hot. I am turned on. He starts to go down on me…Ladies, I don't believe I have ever had a switch turned off so freaking fast. What was he doing down there???? Whatever it was…it wasn't good. So I fake it to get the horrible experience over with.
“Umm... Luke, Sir... I "finished" get your face off of me.” This was the conversation that was happening in my mind. Yet, he continues the atrocity below my Mason-Dixon Line. I fake it again... no response. I then cannot take it anymore and physically remove his face... Holding out hope that things would improve, I choose not to get up and leave at this point (Read: Mistake). So we continue to make out... he is currently on top and is apparently dissatisfied with this positioning so he rolls me over to be on top of him.
Dear Luke, I am so glad that you know your bed well enough to know that there was plenty of room for us to roll over. WRONG. He rolls me; I am thrown off the bed and into his closet door. He falls with me, and of course the closet door breaks off and falls on top of us. Let’s not forget we are both stark naked. This is just too much. We get up, I ask for some clothes to head home and run as fast as I can out his door. Literally, I run down the main road in our city towards my dorm in guys clothes, clutching what was formerly my toga, but is now a heap of safety pins on a sheet. There was no mystery of what I was doing, and there were plenty of people around to speculate as it was only midnight on a Saturday.
I of course have no keys... thankfully I had my cell phone so I called The Other Girl, who I lived with at the time, and she came downstairs to let me in. She walks up... "That girl, uh what happened?!"
The only words... "I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT."
Oh and by the way... "Where are my shoes?"
